NYT Thinks Economy Not Bad Enough Yet; Demands $4Gal Gas As Subsidy For Repainting Lenin's Portrait On Their Ivory Tower

Apparently, the ONLY break we all seem to be getting in this rather crappy economic climate is ~$1.55/Gal gas.

BUT NO-OO-OOOO!

That's -Not Cool- with the NYT!

There aren't yet enough suburban Society Wives clipping coupons or Hedge-Funders trading in mega-yachts. Things don't need to get better, they should get Worse!

*Coupled with a sense of timing that would make (the inventor of the guillotine)^(Marie Antoinette's cake comment) look less ironic, their Man Ezra Dyer

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Posted by elburro on 12/29/08 | Comments (1) | Email to a friend |

Spitzer Breathes Sigh of Relief, Joins Bill Clinton Club; John Edwards Officially Banged Hussy

Somewhere in a tony, wood-paneled washington hotel that condones unprotected anal sex with female prostitutes who have magic ******s, Eliot Spitzer is breathing a Massive Sigh of Relief; "I'm finally outta da spotlight!".

And Ashley Dupree is cursing; -"That should be MY seven whore diamond spotlight moment, dammit!".

Strike Up The Band,

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Posted by elburro on 08/ 9/08 | Comments (0) | Email to a friend |

Vegetarians Responsible For Global Warming

Thank GOD there is at least 1 man out there talking sense.

And that man is Carlos Mencia.

Love him or hate him, he's right. Vegetarians, especially ones addicted to leafy greens instead of Tofu-snorting, are themselves the planet-destroying enviro-pariahs they love to dehumanize and rag on.
Keep Destroying the Earth's Photosynthetic and Carbon-Fixation capacity by eating nothing but plants, you dirty post-hippie patchouli-soaked Gastro-snobs!!! -Vid after the jump. (NSFW)

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Posted by elburro on 06/ 2/08 | Comments (0) | Email to a friend |

Otherwise "Nice Guy" Spring Breakers Dynamite Balcony, Do Not Understand Subsequent Arrest

SO, as a Refresher Course:

Outside the confines of Hazzard County, Georgia,
It would seem that complete or partial detonation of a public structure is in fact best left in movies with 'House' and 'Animal' in the title and not practiced in real life.

And though the Morris family from Kansas Probably Did request a Wake-Up call,

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Posted by elburro on 04/ 1/08 | Comments (0) | Email to a friend |

Love Jim Cramer and His Bear Stearns Advice

BOO-YAAAAAHH! -HOLD ON TO THOSE SHARES OF BEAR STEARNS, SKEEE DADDY!!!
-wait. I never said such a thing. -when you said "money" I thought you meant a different kind of "money", see?...

Priceless Follow-up by YouTube User malcolmmceasy after the jump!

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Posted by elburro on 04/ 1/08 | Comments (0) | Email to a friend |

Man in Cockfosters Cocks Up Engagement Ring Plans, Ends Up With Bells In Sling

So this nice guy, Lefkos Hajji, has a florist put a $12k engagement ring in a helium balloon, so that his sweetie can pop it when he gives it to her. -The Olde 'Pop' the question pun was his aim, I guess.

He steps out of the shop, a gust of wind comes by and tears

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Posted by elburro on 04/ 1/08 | Comments (0) | Email to a friend |

F-16 Bombs Tulsa -Accidentally; Terre Haute to Follow

Apparently the 'smurf-killer' bomb "accidentally fell off" the plane.
Hmmm...
-Was Tulsa asking for it? -Is this a new application of the dreaded "Eminent Domain"?

Danger Room

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Posted by elburro on 03/17/08 | Comments (0) | Email to a friend |